How to Get into BDSM

Here at Rosetoy-official, we are on a mission to break down the boundaries between our readers and their fantasies once and for all. It is unfortunate that a lot of taboo still surrounds the open discussion of sexuality. Many of us feel fear, even shame, at the prospect of openly sharing our innermost desires with another.

No longer do we say! Life is too short not to live it to the fullest, and a healthy sex life is central to that. Let’s discuss how you can add a little extra kink between the sheets.

Talk about it

The first step is to open up to your partner.  Preface your discussion with something that makes clear what you are about to talk about is serious to you; ‘I want to talk to you about something really important to me’ or ‘Are you in the mindset to have a serious conversation?’

Take your time, go into detail, explain what you want and why you want it. Be open to what your partner has to say, too. They may surprise you by how receptive they are, or they may be more reserved than you expected.

This should be an open discussion, without blame or pressure. Regardless of where it takes you, talking things out is always a step in the right direction.

Do your research

There are countless blogs and posts out there catered specifically to real couples looking to start their first foray into BDSM.

Start by dispelling some of the myths around BDSM. Pornography and popular media have warped what it means to be dominant or submissive. Consider the psychological aspect of it as much as (if not more than) the physical.

Educate yourself on the different aspects of BDSM – dominance, sensory play/deprivation, pet play, degradation, light pain, and so on.

BDSM is a catch-all term that encompasses numerous different kinks and experiences. Find the one(s) that appeal to you the most.

Set your boundaries

Is there anything you simply know you are not willing to do? Set a hard limit. We will not cross this line.

Is there something you think you could be interested in at a later date but aren’t quite ready for yet? Set a soft limit. You can always revisit this later when you’re feeling a little more confident.

Create a list of things you are and are not interested in exploring. Set a safe word that will immediately bring the session to an end at a moment's notice.

Finally, make doubly sure you and your partner are on the same page.

Get the kit

Now that you and your partner see eye to eye, it’s time to get kitted up.

Many of the sex toy kits featured in this article are perfect for beginners in a range of different BDSM kinks (at Bedbible.com you can find a test of the best bdsm toys). These selections are also ideal for newbies as they give you numerous options and variations to try. Explore, have fun, and find what you’re into. Don’t worry if you’re not a fan of one thing or another. For example, being restrained is very popular, but it is absolutely not for everyone. Trust me, you will find what really turns you on soon. 

Practice positive aftercare

When all is said and done, one of the most important aspects of a healthy BDSM relationship is the aftercare.

Post coital, the emotions both you and your partner feel can be intense. This is particularly true if you have incorporated heavy aspects of domination and submission.

Now is the time to reassure your partner and reflect. Be receptive to each other’s needs, remind them that they are loved, and that you are happy to have them. When the time is right, reflect upon your experiences both as individuals and as a collection. What were your likes and dislikes? What would you like to see more of or less of next time? What was going through your mind at each point?

A BDSM relationship is only successful when the communication is.